Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Why I Write

Long before I had my own cancer blog, I became obsessed with another (you can find it here). I've had the good sense to turn this man into an internet friend - he's actually my one and only. All of my other friends are people I've actually met in real life but his story was so important to mine that I couldn't possibly not count him among my friends. We don't have the same cancer but I think we've shared an outlook: a desire to find a way to live this experience with hope and positivity, allowing it to showcase all of the wonder and beauty the world has to offer even when it's also giving you lemons. (Also, side note, why do lemons get the bad wrap metaphor? They're awesome. I digress.)

I read his blog with a passion that borders on creepy. I checked it so often he actually mused in a post about his readers in South Korea!  I remember reading and thinking "If I ever face something like that I hope I can find a sliver of his world view." I didn't know how soon I'd get to test that wonder. But when I was diagnosed all I could think was that I had to somehow pay it forward.

The blog was born because I love to write and I wanted all of my family and friends spread over the globe to be able to keep up with me, in spite of time differences and long distances. But it was also born because I wanted to be able to say "yes, cancer sucks but here is everything about it that you can laugh at" and if I was lucky, maybe help someone the way that Ruban's blog helped me.

Cancer can make you feel alone, especially if you don't actually know anyone in real life who is dealing with it. All the more so if you are navigating treatment in a country where you don't speak the language. I write to feel connected to a world filled with people who get it in a way that I hope no one in my "real" life ever will.

I've had 14,500 hits and a handful of comments from women and their families telling me that this blog had helped and I can't tell you how much joy and peace that brings me. That is why I write. Because if I can bring comfort or a smile to someone on the same path as me, cancer is (almost) worth it. If I can help just one person resolve to find a silver lining in their diagnosis, I will have paid forward the gift that Ruban gave to me.

Really, at it's core, writing is selfish. It helps me to feel better about being diagnosed. If it helps you feel better too, I'm glad we could share the lemonade.

1 comment:

  1. Best blog post yet. I'll msg you why. But just wanted to write here so any and all would know I too love your blog.