Monday, December 12, 2011

I'm Back

I really wanted the title of this blog to be "The Bitch is Back" but then I got thinking that people's moms read this and while I can work it into a paragraph, I'm not so cool with it being the story lead. Sorry moms! Anyway, the whole point is the last entry was a downer (because I was down) but I am feeling much better. I mean, yes, I did still cry into Paul's back last night while we were going to sleep (I was having a hard time not thinking about the day I got THE NEWS) but all in all, I really do feel a lot better. Hence, the bitch (me) is back. And I mean that in the "I'm super tough, can roll with the punches, cool lady" kind of way, not the way you say it about women who are so outrageously mean you can hardly stand to be in the same room as them.

The good news is that even when chemo sucks, and boy can it suck, the sucking usually only lasts for a week. In the future, I'm also not going to tough it out and hope that it gets better. I will be going back to the hospital ASAP to get more drugs. I had to do that this last round but I waited until Friday. When I finally dragged my ass in, they gave me another burning anus shot (still burns upon application, by the way) and two other bags of stuff. I think they were more steroids and some vitamin B. It was a rough 3 hours in which I basically begged Paul to let me rip the IV out every 5-10 minutes so we could go home. I could tell he was frustrated, since the whole reason we came was for me to feel better, but I just couldn't get comfortable. God bless him, he didn't complain but instead reminded me, repeatedly, that the whole point of the trip was so I could feel better. Some of the discomfort at the hospital was definitely physical, see the photo below, but some was also mental. The brain is a funny thing and mine is beginning to hate hospitals. Next time, I'm asking for the Ativan upfront.

As you can see, they blew the vein, which might help explain some of the discomfort. I'm sure my intense fidgeting didn't help anything. In fact, I know it didn't. I was such a spectacle and I'm already a spectacle - the last thing Korean's expect in their injection room are a pair of foreigners, one of whom is bald. No, wait, we're both bald but I think Paul is a less shocking bald person.

The crazy thing is that the bruise is 11 days old. I took that picture this morning. I can tell that chemo is working because I really don't heal quickly at all. In my glory days, I think the bruise would have been mostly resolved in seven days. I've noticed it with cuts as well. I guess that is a good thing - the chemo is doing what it is supposed to. If my totally healthy cells, of which there are many, many more, are having a hard time rebuilding I can't think that any remaining cancer cells are having much luck.

In other chemo related updates, I've noticed two other weird things:

1) All of my nails are growing in a slightly purple colour. I have a line on each one about 5 mm up from the cuticle where the purple ends and the pink nail returns. It isn't super noticeable, I just look like I have cold fingers, but it is definitely there. Once this chemo business is over, I think I'm going to have to start rocking the nail polish until the nails grow out. I've tried taking pictures but they are all blurry and I can't be bothered to go find the good camera. Just trust me.

2) Hairs inside your nose are very nice to have in winter. I miss mine. My nose runs all the time now. At first I was worried I might be sick but since this is the only symptom I've had for about five weeks, I'm pretty sure it is not an illness. I wonder how long those will take to grow back? I also wonder how long it will take me to learn to always carry tissue! I had to borrow Paul's USED tissue yesterday when we were out walking. I know, I'm disgusting. Seriously! I think if he had known I would have accepted it, he never would have offered it. Ha! I'll show him. I also did a "farmer's blow" at one point and I know he felt truly glad that we were married. (In my defence, it was in a dark side street/alley area and no one was around. Is that an acceptable defence? I don't know. Don't judge me!).


  1. make them give you ativan at keast 1hr before they start--in fact starting now practice asking for it in Korean!!!!

    and I'm happy to pass my bitch of the year award on to you

  2. Laura, even though you have cancer and therefore no nose hairs to speak of at present, I still think you are just the greatest. I also think Paul is the greatest for his clearly superior taste in women, as well as his excellent support system skills. Two thumbs up! (maybe up your nose, to plug the running?)

  3. Laura, the farmer's blow totally made me crack up. Next time use Paul's sleeve!

  4. It made me sad to think of what you're going through. BUT it made me happy to see you're feeling better. Then it made me wince to envision you doing a farmer blow. In fact, I really can't. Maybe you can demo that next time I see you. Take care and stay classy.