This last round of chemo has been the pits. I'm dreading round 4. I suppose the silver lining is, round 4 is also the last round. In my current state of self-pity, this is of little consolation. I have to do this again. And in even suckier news, I have to do this again, 5 days before Christmas. I love Christmas. However, I suspect I will not love this Christmas.
What I really want is to be at home surrounded by family and friends, eating too much, worrying about gaining weight, fretting about how cold it is, looking at a pretty tree and petting well loved but occasionally badly behaved dogs. What we want isn't always what happens. This year has made that monumentally true for me. I hope you will forgive this moment of extreme self pity. I know its rather pathetic, but there you have it.
In more optimistic news, I will ring in the New Year being done chemo. I will only have radiation and hormone therapy ahead of me. Although I gather there can be some less than nice side effects from those, they seem not to be as bad as the ones typically associated with chemo. At least, not with the amount of radiation I suspect am going to be getting. I will also ring in the New Year continuing to try and be as positive about this whole situation as I am capable. There aren't many things you can have a choice in when it comes to cancer; one of the few is how you choose to talk about and deal with cancer. I'll be the first to admit these days I've been failing on the "being positive" and "taking it in stride" front but in general, I've tried to stay as light hearted as one can about something as unfunny as cancer. I will attempt to return to that status soon, in the meantime, pretend I just said something funny instead of three paragraphs of complaining.
I guess the other good news is despite occasionally still feeling nauseous, I know I am well on my way to better. Not better enough to hit the gym tonight, but there is always tomorrow. Well enough to eat some candy though, so there's that! AND I didn't even have a nap today. Look at me, I'm all grown up!